Welcome to Day 9 of Safe & Sound!

Today we’re taking about unsafe online behavior that can have a significant impact on kids.

WE’RE TALKING ABOUT SEXTING AND OTHER INAPPROPRIATE POSTS.

If the thought of your kid sexting makes you cringe, we understand. And while this topic may seem to only apply to older youth, there are lessons in here for the younger set. You can lay the groundwork by talking about inappropriate posts with younger kids. Discuss what’s appropriate to post and send and what isn’t. This isn’t limited to nude photos or videos. For example, we can use conversations about cyberbullying to connect to this idea. You can say, “It isn’t appropriate to post untrue things about people because it can really hurt someone’s feelings. What other things would be inappropriate to post?”

HOW TO TALK ABOUT SEXTING.

For those of us who have older children, here are some tips and guidance on how to talk about sexting.

Let your teen be the expert. Stay away from judgment and shame. Avoid “why” questions that can bring judgment, and stick with “how” and “what” questions that encourage reflection. For example, rather than say, “Why would anyone send nudes?” you might say, “I read that some adults are sexting more right now — do you think it’s the same with teenagers?” It is most effective to raise these issues in short discussions and to scaffold this ongoing conversation over time rather than having one big talk.

Encourage critical thinking. Start with questions that will help teens assess the risk and anticipate the consequences of sexting. For example, “How come people sext?” “What would happen if you didn’t send a nude photo when someone asked you to?” Help them problem-solve how to handle tricky virtual interactions by asking questions like, “What are some ways you can manage what’s going on?” If you discover that your teen is engaged in sexting, remind them of the real-world consequences. Images can live forever on the internet. You can also offer this key litmus test to help your teen gauge if things are going too far: “Would you want your teacher to see this? Your friend’s parents? Your coach?” Be clear with your teenager about your family values, expectations, and potential consequences when it comes to sexting.

Teach your children that the buck stops with them. If someone sends them a sexy photo, they should delete it immediately. It's better to be part of the solution than the problem. Besides, if they do send it on, there could be legal implications.

Be the askable parent. We’ve said this before, and we can’t emphasize it enough. Teach your kids that they can come to you when they’re facing tough situations. Reassure your teen that you are there to support them. If teenagers find themselves in a sexual situation that is uncomfortable and unwelcome, let them know that you can listen respectfully and without judgment. Tell your teen (often!) that you are available to talk, even if the conversation is awkward or difficult.

Talk about pressures to send revealing photos. Let teens know that you understand how they can be pushed or dared into sending something. Tell them that no matter how big the social pressure is, the potential social humiliation can be hundreds of times worse.

Start now. Don't wait for an incident to happen. Talk about the consequences of sexting before it happens to your child or any of their friends. Sure, talking about sex or dating with teens can be uncomfortable, but it's better to have the talk before something happens.

TODAY’S ACTIVITY:

Be curious. Sit down and ask your child if they or their friends have experienced sexting or sent or received posts that in hind sight were inappropriate.

Elementary-school kids: Ask your child what they would consider to be an inappropriate post.

Middle-school kids: Ask if anyone in their friend group has dealt with being asked for a nude photo or video. Ask your child what they would do if someone asked them to send an inappropriate post.

High-school kids: Come up with ways to say no to a sext request. Go back over the characteristics of a healthy relationship.

That’s it for Day 9! See you tomorrow!